Death!

So what is Death? and why would i want to talk about death? Having just posted a blog about relationships! Im just going to go off, no quotes, scripture's on this one so it might not actually make sense, but if you feel like coming on an emotional trip with me come along! Out of the abundance of his heart this man is about to speak (luke 6;45)....... srry that s the last scripture!
to the point......

My aunt, tete vangu (my dad's sister) is(was) working in Sudan, and she had been there for some months now, and on Saturday while at my cousins 21st, one of my other aunties got a call from the Red Cross (i assume it was them because thats the company my aunt works for) telling us that my aunt had gone seriously sick and was in a coma! Some news to hear at someone's party huh? (of which the party was a week and half early-but hey thts another gwan)
Anyway so my aunt was Airlifted to Geneva for medical attention, and what not. So naturally the next day everyone was freaking out, but i knew nothing on wht had happened since there airlift. So on monday i got a call from my little brother asking me for my aunt's daughter's number, gave it to him, he called her then called me back, we talked and he sounded hurt and sad and all one would normally feel with an aunt seriously. To my surprise (well not really) i couldnt feel a thing! No remorse, no sadness, no anger, no fear, no anxiousness, nothing i felt absolutely nothing! Thats when i realised that i was now numb to death! Numb to death? Yes absolutely! i feel nothing when people talk about death! About my death i have no worries because of the assurance i have in Jesus Christ and his promise of eternal life and salvation, plus i die everyday anyway (thats another blog)!
But on a more practical note i am Numb to death because i have experienced so much of it at a young age. In 1996, i lost my dad, well i wouldnt say lost coz i never really had him (another blog), but i still hurt as any would! But i still had my mom and she couldn't possibly die right? In 1997, i lost my most favourite aunty of all my mom's older sista, i didn't even get to say good bye because i was in NY, so my last goodbye before i left, WAS actually my last good bye (blog). In 1998, I lost the most precious thing in my life my mother (yet another blog). So between the ages of 11 and 13 i had lost the two most important people to any child my age! You can ONLY IMAGINE the pain i went through all the way until i got saved, the first time, (yes, you got it another blog-{dint count the cost of following Christ etc}) and then until i got saved again properly! In 1998, i was adopted by one of my dad's sister's another aunty, she died the next year, her husband died 6 months later! That same year i also lost my mom's older brother, that sucked! You get the picture! So to me death! is just that, Death! i dont cry at funerals anymore i dont feel anything anymore, im numb! I don't want to be numb i want to feel that feeling again, the feeling of almost losing someone, the feeling of fear of never seeing that person anymore, i dont have it!
All that being said i also lost my smallest cousin from my mom's side in '04, weeks later one of my best teamate from highschool died in a drink drive accident (thts why i dont drink drive, EVER, too close to home)! i felt another wave coming but Praise the Lord it stopped there! I miss my mom (especially), and my dad, my aunties and uncles, cousins and friends! We all die sometime! But where i feel something is when i think of all these people that have died and i dont think most of them were saved and that hurts even more! Coz we all know where those people go (i think of lazarus and the rich man in this one Luke 16:20-26 {promise last quote-but u have to read this story saved or not saved})!

For all those who i love, especially my aunty who is still lying on that hospital bed in geneva waiting for a Liver transplant, i do pray she gets well, but even more so i pray for her that she meets God and gets saved, so tht she might also have that assurance of eternal life in Christ Jesus our LORD, and for the family i pray that through this the Lord also reveals himself, CLEARLY and that they may all be saved! (also pray for them for me) . Having gone on a rabbit trail for most of this blog, i will end with this!

Don't get to the end of your life and ask what happened! I know i won't, im not scared of death nor do i feel anything for it! Forgive me for being insensitive in this!
Everyone dies but very few really live! You cant find your purpose apart from the one who created you, Seek him and you will find him, ask and you will receive, knock and the door will be opened (matt 7:7,8- forgive me for yet another quote)!